Long time no see!

Hey there! It's been a while since we last had the chance to visit a bit. Lots of things to update you on, but I won't bore you with all the gory details. Suffice to say that we are now back in Missouri. Home again! April and I both really missed the Ozark Mountains. The Susquehanna Valley is pretty and all, but it's just not home. 2013 was a pretty rough year for us, but we came out good in the end. I've started my horse training business back up again and I'm pushing hard for spring.
      I've started my day out today with a bowl of Anniversary Kake in a straight clay pipe. Very smooth smoke and a really good little pipe. I'd have to say it's one of my favorite pipes.
     It's that time again. Yes, yes, I know. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Well, tough luck. You're gonna get it anyhow. Here is the next installment from the mind of the Moose. Since they are so short, I'm posting two today:

4

To live, to love,

What does it all mean?

Is it a curse,

Or a blessing?

Luck, or fate?

No one truly knows.

5

Love,

Some want to analyze it,

Try to pick it apart.

Love is not to be speculated,

Nor to be put under a microscope.

It’s to be felt,

To be dreamed;

By young lovers under a star filled sky.

By the elderly couple,

Married now for 70 years.

It is an emotion, nay,

‘Tis more than just that,

It is everything, all consuming.

It’s you.

Another day in paradise

Yesterday April and I went down to the Halifax area, near Harrisburg to take pictures of gravestones. It was really cool. I have been researching my family for over ten years now. It has been frustrating, but fun. I was taking pictures of the cemeteries in Halifax, Enders, Enterline and surrounding areas. It is really cool to be able to find the places where these folks lived and are buried. My Sweigard ancestors came to PA from Germany. I dont know much more from there, but I keep hoping to find out more. I wish I knew as much about the Brooks family. I have them traced back to Virginia, but thats as far as I can get with them. I am currently concentrating on finding the burial site of a Josiah J. Brooks. He died during the civil war on board a hospital steamer the Isabella. I dont know where he was buried, or IF he was buried. I keep looking and one of these days I'll find it.

  Anyway, here is the next posting from the mind of the moose. Such as it is.                                                                   3

 

Just beyond the edge of thought,

Barely beyond the edge of time,

There lies a place where time, worry,

And age, dare not tread.

Full of music, beauty, and light.

A place devoid of darkness, hatred and violence.

There have I built a mighty temple.

Though scarred and bleak from without,

Looking devoid and barren,

Within it is wholly good and beautiful,

Capable of many wondrous things.

Crumbled, it has been rebuilt,

With a tender smile, a gentle ear and a soft hand.

Good news today! I sent my ol' buddy Pojo three nice pipes and a fair sampling of tobaccoes. He recieved them in the mail this morning and is happily puffing his first pipe. I sent him two straights and a monster bent no name from the Ukraine. It is a sweet smoker and he should like it.  I also sent him a sampling of some baccy from my cellar. I sent him some peaches and cream, and london fog, both from my local B&M tobacconist. I also sent him some Brittish Windjammer, a generic name for McClellands Frog Morton. One of my favorite smokes. I also sent him a Balkan blend which he is going to have to be careful with. It will bite if you dont respect it. Well, thats all the time I have for now. It has once again gotten late on me and I'm bushed. Have to drive the landlord in the morning. Fun times!

Pipes and 'baccy

It's HUMP DAY!!! Wednesday is here at last. I sat today and had the most remarkable smoke. I filled a bowl of Shortcut to Mushrooms in my newly acquired Gourd Calabash pipe. It was incredible. The pipe itself is a wonderful smoker. The only drawback is that it is HELL to light. Once you get it lit, however, it is a very even cool smoker. The tobacco is a refreshingly pleasant, semi sweet. It has a very pleasant room note and if smoked slowly, it has no tongue bite at all. I have found that all tobaccos will bite if smoked hot and hard enough.  This fine tobacco can be procured from Just For Him, tobacconist, in Springfield, Missouri.  It can also be ordered online at www.justforhim.com

     As promised, here is the next installment of the madness of the Moose. I submit for your perusal the following exercise in self torment. 

Reflections

Blackness, Despair, pushing down with

The crushing force of the

Weight of the universe.

Defeat is inevitable,

But still I cry, try, and strain

To stave it off.

For every victory,

I get thirty defeats.

Worthless, Hopeless,

These words haunt my sleep,

My dreams, even my waking hours.

Desperately I cry out for help.

Finding little, I make mistake after mistake.

The monkey is my constant companion.

I never gave him away, but I’ve been

Given him back an hundred fold.

Where does it end? Where did it begin?

Does this game end before I really get

A chance to play?

This blackness that is my soul consumes me.

Hatred; confusion; longing; love; these emotions

Run constantly through my head.

Beauty, they say, is in the eye of the Beholder.

But, what, if the Beholder is blind?

Nowhere to turn. Embarrassment. I turn away.

I’m told to turn my eyes inward. This

I have done. I find nothing. Self-pity I care

Nothing for. Self understanding I cannot have.

Running scared, just beyond the shadow of

My uncompromising, inevitable fate.

The wall was built long, long ago.

I am now adding more bricks to it.

The wall is high and impenetrable, but for few.

Introspection is a dangerous game,

One I seldom choose to play. Better to

Play the game, never understanding the rules,

Always uncertain, wanting to win, but

Knowing full well that the deck is stacked

Against me. I want to strike out blindly,

To give back some of what I’ve been given,

But I know that I cannot. For when I do

I am condemned.

Mistakes long since made, rise up to haunt me,

Waking and sleeping.

I think of all this sometimes and scoff at

Myself for foolishly blowing it out of proportion.

Am I truly two-dimensional in a 3-D world?

Or am I just another delusional, ignorant

Victim of his own psyche.

Self doubt, self hatred, they spring from

The black well that is my soul to harass me.

Cold, bleak, stark, barren like the tundra.

I am not without feelings! I feel! I hurt!

But what does it matter. I desperately want

To fit in. Always, even when among family,

Feeling like an outsider. I see myself analyzing

People, situations. Always the cynic. Always

Expecting the worst.

Misunderstood by all, hated by most, I try

To just make it from day to day.

My one soul mate, my other half so to speak,

I can never communicate this to. I see some of this

Reflected in his eyes, yet I can’t. Story of my life.

“Have you heard about the lonesome loser…….

“He’s a loser but he still keeps on tryin’…….”

 I am not a nut to be cracked, picked apart.

You think you people can get in? Do you

Honestly think you’ve hurt me?? Ha!

Their arrogance amuses me.

Another exciting fun filled Thursday!

Went out today and cashed my refund check from Devry. I bought an old '79 Buick Century station wagon. Now I can haul my landlord back and forth to work without tearing my old truck all to hell.  It's been a long, busy day here.  Tagged my truck, bought the car, ran to wally world, and points inbetween.  So, im beat, my feet hurt and im going to bed. I have to take the Phares and Harvey to work in the a.m. But at least I get to take the Beast and leave my little truck parked. 

another short poem

2

 

 

I am my own worst enemy.

Self-doubt clogs my brain.

I feel imaginary eyes,

Critical, cynical eyes.

This leads me to doubt others,

And eventually myself.

On Brotherhood

Ok, this is a tough topic for me. Let me first start by saying I am a twin. I love being a twin, not that I have much choice in the matter. The tough part is, I have to answer for everything that happens to him. It started I suppose when we were little kids. We were inseperable. Hell, we split the egg so it's hard to get closer than that. Now that we are adults, I find that he has gone south so to speak.  I just want to say that I am not my brother, and I do not appreciate people comparing me to him. I have worked very hard to establish my own identity and I resent being lumped in with him. So he's a fuck up, so what. That should have no reflection on me whatsoever. I miss him and I worry about him, especially now that he may never see daylight again. It is hard to believe that he may be gone forever. In spite of his inate ability to piss me off, I do love him and want the best for him.